Fix Me: A Bucky Story
by northernfiction
Summary: Sometimes you can't fix what's broken, what's broken has to fix itself. Nina Kohl is given the task of fixing Bucky, which is very hard when he doesn't consider himself worthy of being fixed.
1. Chapter 1

Fix Me: A Bucky Story

"Nina Kohl." Steve tasted the name unhappily.

Natasha sighed, "Steve, she's the best at what she does. And she's got a background I can trust."

"How can you trust her background?" He exclaimed, tossing a folder filled with documents on the desk in front of him.

"Because my past is very similar to hers." Natasha said softly.

Steve instantly regretted his words, "Sorry Nat, I didn't think of that." He sighed loudly, "I just don't think I'm ever going to find someone I trust with this job."

"That's why I chose her for you. I'm telling you she's right for the job so you're going to have to trust me." She knew throwing the 'trust' word out there would get him to cave.

"You're right." Steve held his head in his hands. "I'll call T'Challa and let him know we've found someone, hopefully she accepts."

"I don't think she'll be able to refuse." Natasha said with a frown.

* * *

Across an ocean, in Germany, a woman was smoothing her skirt and fixing her blonde ponytail before straightening her shoulders and heading into an intimidating concrete building.

"Miss. Kohl." A man greeted her from behind his small desk.

"Hello," Nina tried to sound cheerful as she looked around for a chair, finding no sort of waiting area she stood awkwardly until the only door other than the entrance opened.

"Come this way Miss." A second man, outfitted in a military officer's uniform, beckoned her. She followed the man through the set of doors and down a small hallway until they reached another set of double doors. The whole facility seemed rather dark and eerie, reminding Nina of a time she thought she had left behind.

When they entered the next set of doors a third man stood in the empty room, he was tall and had very sharp features, like he had been cut out of stone and the edges hadn't been rounded. Sharp black eyes surveyed her quietly, Nina got a bad feeling then, she was quite far in the building and the only exits were the ones she had came in through, there were no windows or side doors. She felt panic blossom in her chest as she realized if this went badly she would be essentially trapped by this frightening man. How had a simple job interview gotten so complicated and terrifying.

"Katharina Kohler." The man addressed her. She felt her heart sink at her full name, he had access to her old files in Russia, he knew everything.

"Yes," uncertainty weighed her down.

"I believe we will be able to use your service, I have your files from Russia and understand the project you had been a part of for the last 5 years."

Nina just stared at him, daring him to say it.

"I want to restart the project." His eyes were fierce when he looked at her. "With your expert skills we can take this further than the Russians. Of course we will need to locate the asset and then have it brought here, but that can all be arranged while we get your lab setup."

Stunned Nina began shaking her head, "No, I'm sorry I can't accept your offer." She could feel her panic rising, "I thought this was a regular office job interview. Please excuse me." As she began walking towards the door the officer who had shown her in stepped in front of her. However the sharp looking man waved him away, "Don't worry, she'll be back. No one will hire an ex-Hydra agent these days."

She all but ran out of the concrete facility. Anger replaced the panic, he was right. She had studied hard to get her degree in Linguistics, she was smart, yet her young and naive self had ruined her own future by accepting the first job offer to come her way post university.

Standing outside the ominous building she saw a shiny black car pull up and a women exit and begin walking towards her. She immediately recognized the women, red hair, smirk, black outfit, she was the Black Widow, the Avengers had been all over TV in the last few years. Nina stood stiffly as the agent addressed her, "Nina Kohl."

"Natasha Romanoff." Nina replied, liking that Natasha was smart enough to use her new name.

"What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" Natasha cocked her head, red hair swinging to the side.

"Trying not to make the same mistakes twice, I'm leaving." Crossed arms she looked defiantly back at the formidable woman in front of her.

"Well I can put you on the right track if that's what you're looking for." The redhead grinned, "I know first hand what it's like to be in your position. It's going to take someone putting their faith in you for you to turn this situation around."

Nina scoffed, "And who would be willing to do that."

"Me." Natasha shrugged casually. "Turns out you are exactly what we need."

"I'm always 'exactly what someone needs' and honestly I just want to do something good. I'm tired of playing games and people lying to me." She sighed.

"I can definitely help you there."

* * *

Nina had absolutely no idea what had lead her to be boarding a plane and accepting Natasha's offer. It sounded a little too good to be true. She was first going to be stationed in the Avengers home base to be monitored by Captain America himself for him to deem her work worthy before moving on to her actual assignment. In fact it would be more like revisiting an old assignment for her, though she had never seen the Winter Soldier in person, on paper she knew more about him than Steve Rogers. Because the files Natasha had leaked over the internet a few years ago had been Hydra's electronic files, but what not many people knew was that many of Hydra's files were only hard files, paper files had been a thing of norm there. They were easy to hid and destroy if need be, a lot of the Winter Soldier's files had been paper only. Paper files that Nina had committed to memory.

She was greeted at the terminal by a man she recognized as part of the Avengers, the Falcon, Sam Wilson. He looked her over carefully, inspecting her for weapons probably.  
"I am not armed, I just flew an international flight, there's no way I could hide anything. Besides I have no training whatsoever." She told him.

"You're from Germany?" He asked indicating he knew where her accent came from.

"Yes, I was born in Germany and only left when I received a job offer in Russia," She answered cryptically. "What about my luggage?"

"Don't worry about that, someone is already there and waiting to collect it." Sam glared at her, "Are you playing anything here?"

Nina's eyes widened, "No, of course not. Natasha's the one who wanted me to work on this."

"Okay, good, because this is very important to my friend Steve. If you have ulterior motives I'm going to find out." He pointed his finger at her.

She nodded, holding back a laugh. She got into the car he motioned to, it was a quiet drive. The silence was only broken when Sam asked her questions and she would give him a non detailed response.

Sam showed her to her work space, a small room with a bookshelf, a large table, a small desk and a chair. She thanked Sam and asked to be alone while she settled into the new space. She looked around and smiled, there were already boxes full of papers on the table and on the desk a small laptop was waiting to be opened and used. She also saw a few books on the shelf and saw the a few familiar titles pop out at her. Nina knew she could definitely get comfortable in her little office.

Nina got into the swing of things within the first week. Her research involved psycholinguistics specifically neurolinguistics, exactly what she had studied in university and gone on to work on with Hyrda. It was the study of how language impacted the brain and how the brain comprehended language. In regards to the asset, how language can trigger things in the brain and get the asset to behave accordingly.

One afternoon she was going through her old notes she had stolen from Hydra about the Winter Soldier and consequently didn't hear the light knock followed by her office door opening. Steve Rogers stood in the doorway watching her sort through notes that were now essentially useless and notes that could serve a purpose on her new project.

"What are those?" He asked.

Nina squealed and spun around, her hand over her racing heart. "You scared me. Uh, these are my old notes on the asset when it was with Hydra."

Steve frowned, "It has a name, it's Bucky."

"Right, sorry, old habits die hard I guess." She could have kicked herself for being so stupid, "When I worked there I specialized in working with him," Seeing Steve's confusion she clarified, "I never physically worked with him, I have never seen the Winter Soldier. But I know him very well on paper, I can tell you all about his brain scans and what happens when you say certain things to him. Hopefully I'll be able to either reverse the effects of the reset words or come up with a new combination to stop the effects of the reset words." Nina knew she was rambling, but the lies she was mixing in with the truth had a life of their own.

Steve was looking at her curiously now. "How much do you know about him?"

"Well like I said, I just know what they gave me, scans, notes on behavior, patterns they saw while he was in the field. I made up diagnostics based on what they gave me. I didn't know him personally." She hesitated, "And I'm very sorry for calling him 'the asset' that is all they allowed us to call him. They didn't want anyone getting close with him, he was kept under very strict quarters."

He just nodded at her, which she took as a sign of forgiveness. "How'd you end up there? Working for people like that? Why did you stay?"

Nina hesitated, "Well I was a young university graduate, I had graduated at the top of my class, professors called me 'a bright mind'. I learned later that Hydra had been keeping tabs on me based on some of the articles I had published. They were planning on attempting to recruit me at some point, it just so happened that their offer was the first I had recieved and I took it without doing any research on the corporation or what kind of work they did. All I cared about was they wanted me to continue my research using an unknown willing subject. I hadn't thought the contract would tie me up so badly or that I was going to be used so horribly." She shuddered and looked at Steve, "Hydra uses people in the worst way possible. The people who follow them blindly are all men and women who have no regard for humanity."  
Steve frowned again, this was not news to him; but, he still didn't quite understand how she had fallen for something like a simple job offer, she had to have had some idea of what Hydra was, she must be hiding something.

Nina was glad when Steve dropped the subject and asked her if she had eaten lunch yet, to which she replied she hadn't. She hadn't gone near the communal cafeteria, instead favoring her empty office and a packed lunch from the kitchen ladies.

After that day Steve started making it a habit to come get her for lunch, the chatting between the two slowly became more relaxed the more they began to let down their guard.

"So when can I see him?" Nina asked a few weeks later while they were eating lunch.

"Bucky?" Steve asked, brows raised. Nina nodded, "Honestly, I don't know, he didn't want to be thawed unless we were sure we could control him."

"There's no way to test my theories until I see him and reset him." Nina shrugged, "It's going to be a trial and error type of experiment."

"She's right," A third party joined in, Natasha. "We can't just make her sit her and come up with hypothetical solutions. They need to be tested."

Steve sighed, "Fine, I'll get on it." Then he got up and walked away without finishing his lunch.

"Don't worry about him," Natasha said, "He's just sore about anything that involves Bucky."

"I'm just afraid I won't be able to help him." Nina furrowed her brow.

"I'm sure it will work out just fine."

* * *

Steve showed up at Nina's office one evening, "Hey, I have a plane ticket here for you."

"Oh, where am I going?" Nina asked, not looking up from some notes.

"To see Bucky, he's currently with T'Challa in Wakanda, Africa."

She stopped reading and looked up, giving the Captain her full attention. "Steve, I still don't know if these theories are fool proof."

"I know, but it's like Natasha said, they have to be tested." He sighed. "Get ready, you leave tomorrow."

Steve walked away and Nina was left with her thoughts, she was finally going to be able to test her new theories. These new language patterns she had put together might help, but they may do absolutely nothing. She was going to be able to actually test her research instead of just handing it in for someone else to try out. She was being given the chance to help someone, and that was what really excited her. Nina was going to be able to try to undo what she had helped do to the Winter Soldier.

It was warm and muggy in Wakanda, not necessarily bad, just different. Nina was a little nervous as she and Steve were escorted to meet T'Challa. The room they were left in was white and clean, she saw a chamber off to the left and saw Steve look at it longingly, she decided Bucky must be in that chamber. T'Challa entered the room and introduced himself to her, she told him her new name and they circled around the chamber.

"So, it is time to thaw your friend," T'Challa's hands hovered over the control panel.

"Hopefully we're able to figure this out." Steve smiled a little sadly.

Nina just stood there quietly.

T'Challa pressed a button and pulled a lever, slowly the chamber began to clear and it opened. Bucky Barnes was stood up and frozen. The color slowly returned to his skin and she saw him give a shuddering breath before opening his eyes. He blinked wildly taking in his surroundings. Nina's wide eyes managed to widen more when he grinned at Steve and spoke, "So, have you found a way to fix me?"


	2. Chapter 2

Nina was at loss of where to start. The first night in Wakanda Bucky and Steve spent the whole night together and she ended up reorganizing her beloved notes. She knew where she wanted to start she just needed to go over her plan with Bucky.

In the morning she realized she had no idea where Bucky was staying, T'Challa had shown her the room she'd be staying in, the adjoining bathroom and the kitchen that was down the hall. She assumed Bucky's room would be near but she didn't want to go snooping.

Sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee Nina was glad when T'Challa entered the room intending to show her the workspace he had arranged.

"It's just down a floor," He explained pressing the button of the elevator. "I have set aside this wing for you and Barnes, his room is down the hall from yours" Nina nodded in understanding, "Please don't wander too far, your's is not the only secret being kept here." When they reached the workspace Nina was glad to see it was set up similarly to a lab, there was a whiteboard on one wall, a large counter space on another wall and an island counter space in the middle of the room.

"Good morning," Bucky greeted them from his perch on a stool at the counter.

Nina was a bit surprised to see him there already, she smiled and thanked T'Challa before she began unpacking her bag; file folders meticulously labeled were carefully placed on the counter along with her laptop.

"What is all this?" Bucky asked reaching for a folder.

She smacked his hand away, "My research." When everything was set out properly she addressed him, "Alright, I have a few theories." She grabbed a whiteboard marker and wrote in delicate cursive her plan.

Bucky put his right hand on his hip as he read her list, that's when Nina noticed his iconic metal arm was missing, she couldn't see if there was still a part of the metal limb or if it was completely gone.

"So, you have my brain scans in there?" He asked, getting snoopy again with her folders.

Shooing him away, "Yes, I've gone over them multiple times. I think we'll start by using the reset words and then I will try the using the list I've compiled of words that can reset the reset words." She smiled, but her smile fell when she saw his face.

"You want to use the words?" He said through gritted teeth.

"Well," She faltered, "It's the only way to use the new set."

He sighed loudly, "So you have no idea what you're doing." He said it like statement, like she knew nothing.

Nina scowled, "I have put in hours of research, I _know_ what I'm doing." She said with conviction.

"When you reset me I won't remember you, or anything." Bucky said softly.

"I know," Nina hesitated, "But Steve said you snapped out of it eventually. So I'll restrain you and wait it out if these words don't work."

Nina couldn't help but get a little bit excited as they began getting ready for the procedure, it took a few hours for her to fully catch Bucky up and get him to the point where he was a little more comfortable with her doing her experiment, but they got there eventually. He was now strapped to a chair, with Nina sitting in front of him holding her clipboard to her chest, she didn't need to read the words off the paper, she would never forget those words.

"Longing. Rusted. Seventeen. Daybreak." She paused and saw his face was set in disgust. She kept going, "Furnace. Nine. Benign. Homecoming. One. Freight Car." Nina watched the words take root, his face became blank and his eyes looked right through her. "Hello Soldier." She whispered in Russian, just like she had heard someone else greet him once before. Her switch from English to Russian was flawless, she had grown up speaking mostly German and Russian, learning English when she got to primary school and fluently speaking Russian when she had started work for Hydra, Bucky's language switch was nothing short of perfect either.

"What is my mission?" He asked slowly, his Russian dialect was exact.

Nina watched in fascination at the machine that was currently scanning his brain waves while under the influence of the words. She hardly breathed as she started to say her new words, "Soldier. Dusk. Darkness. September. Thirty nine. Hungry. Open. Clever. July. Remember." Nothing. She repeated the words, "Bucky?" It took over an hour of her repeating the words followed by her asking him if he was there for her to notice even a slight change. She kept everything in English after the initial reset, knowing that was his first language, the only language he had known before he became the Winter Soldier. When it finally happened she nearly screamed in happiness, his eyes became tired and his expression one of relief.

"How long did it take?" He asked as Nina released him from his chair.

"A little over two hours." She said proudly, her new words had worked. It may have taken a long time, but they had worked, and he hadn't reacted violently at all, which she told him.

"So I didn't do anything?" Bucky seemed a little afraid of the answer.

"Nothing at all, you didn't even pull on the restraints. The reset words were created to make you blank and compliant, so I doubted you would react violently." She shrugged, "It was just a precaution."

The rest of the day was spent mulling over Bucky's brain scans from that afternoon. It was very late when Nina finally decided to retire for the night, Bucky had already disappeared a few hours ago. She fell into bed fully clothed, too exhausted to shower or change. Nina couldn't help the large smile that took over her face, she was helping him. It was a small start, but her new words had worked. Tomorrow she was hoping Bucky would help her tweak the words, maybe the order or add a word or two of meaning to him. She was finally doing good, her parents were probably rolling in their graves, their daughter was working for the Avengers, Nina couldn't help but laugh a little sadly at that thought. Now was not the time to think about that, she was too tired to think of anything important.

* * *

It was as if they were living in their own little world, Nina and Bucky had a routine, they were in the lab by 9:00 am every morning, he always beat her there, she had no idea what he did in the mornings, but she never saw him in the kitchen. They would work together for a few hours, only sometimes resetting Bucky, she knew he was very uncomfortable when they did that. Afterwards Bucky would disappear again and she wouldn't see him until the next morning. Therefore Nina spent a large portion of her day alone, very rarely she would be graced by T'Challa's presence and she would catch him up on their progress. He was keeping Steve in the loop on Bucky's progress and therefore required updates.

It was one of those days that T'Challa came for an update that Nina found something very curious in the lab. She had gotten frustrated and thrown a whole notebook across the room and into the garbage can, which had consequently tipped over. Nina was muttering to herself as she went to get the notebook, having to forgive it for not just giving her the right answer. She bent down and noticed something on the bottom of the garbage can, she picked off a miniscule piece of equipment, maybe a microphone of some sort.

"What is that?" A voice asked from the door, it was T'Challa.

"I found it stuck to the bottom of the garbage can." Nina explained, before she could even hand it over he picked it up from her hands and whisked it away.

A few hours later Nina was still in the lab and T'Challa came back, "The lab needs to be thoroughly searched. We have a breach." He frowned as he looked at her.

"Alright," She cleaned up after herself and pretended to not feel the glances T'Challa was sending her way. "It wasn't me." Nina finally said.

"How can I trust you?" He motioned her to step out of the room, Nina followed him across the hall to another workplace set up similarly to the one the had just left. "Now you can talk." He said, shutting the door.

Nina frowned, realizing that if she didn't plead her innocence T'Challa could easily kick her out of this place. "Well, I guess I'll start at the beginning."

"That's usually a good place," T'Challa couldn't help but grin. He knew the girl's intentions were good, but Steve had a bad feeling about her, so he had promised to interrogate her about the bug.

Nina sighed, may as well give him the whole story, she felt as though she could trust the man standing in front of her.

"When I was little I was always very excited to tell my friends that my parents were spies, everyone thought I was just telling stories, but it was true. My parents both worked for Hydra." She looked up to gauge T'Challa's reaction but his face remained impassive. "So when I say Hydra had kept tabs on me while in university it's an understatement. When they offered me a job there was no hesitance in my acceptance. I knew I was going to work for 'a great corporation' as my parents called it." The last sentence was said bitterly," I was very naive, I figured my parents knew right from wrong and they were good people so there was no way Hydra could have been evil." Nina looked right at T'Challa, "When did you realize as a kid your parents weren't always right, that they can be wrong?"

He just shook his head at her.

"I realized my parents were wrong a few months into working for Hydra; but, how were you supposed to tell your parents you weren't comfortable with what they were doing. How did you tell them you thought Hydra was evil. That you felt as though you had been lied to your entire life? It didn't sit well with me, but I continued working, mostly because I felt scared to leave; I would have to leave my family too. At the time I had no idea what I was truly working on. They would give me brain scans and ask me to perfect the reset. Of course I was eager so I threw myself into the work, I came up with a brilliant hypothesis, shock to the brain made it temporarily forget, increasing the voltage only did so much," She paused, ashamed of the words about to leave her mouth, "But hydro-electrocution, that may work better." Nina drew in a shuddering breath. "I had no idea they had a real person they were testing these hypotheses on. I figured out that submerging the test subject in water during the electrocution would yield the greatest results in terms of perfecting the reset on the brain." Nina couldn't bear to look at T'Challa now, "I didn't know about the Winter Soldier and the fact that they had used my findings until my mother let it slip. I was arguing with her, I wanted to leave and find a different job and she mentioned that I was making such a difference with the Asset." More bitterness laced her voice, "I questioned what asset and what the hell she was talking about. It took a little bit of snooping to discover the Winter Soldier. I managed to find myself in the right place and time for witnessing a hard reset of the Asset. To see my research being put into action was the most gut wrenching sort of pain I've ever experienced. I was evil, I hadn't even realized what I had been doing. I watched them submerge and shock him, I watched them say those stupid words over and over again until he was wiped. I watched a man become a machine and it was horrible."

"Is this why you feel the need to fix him?" T'Challa asked gently.

"I need to help him. I may not have fully created the Winter Soldier, but I helped increase Hydra's control over him. I am one of the reasons he doesn't trust himself to live." Nina squared her shoulders and stood up a little bit straighter, " I need to help him so I can right the wrong I committed. I promise you that I have no love for Hydra, they took my research and without my permission used it on an unwilling subject." She shook her head, "I know I have no one to blame but myself, but I would never feed them info."

T'Challa nodded slowly, "I definitely got more than I bargained for here. Steve just wanted me to make sure you were not in on the bug you found in the lab. I told him you weren't and I honestly don't know what to do with all of the information you just gave me." He looked at her objectively, just a young women trying to do something good in a world where she had only had a negative impact on people. "I will keep this secret of yours, they know you did some work on the Winter Soldier, but nobody guessed anything that direct. They figured you had helped fine tune the languages in his brain or something like that. Nobody would have guessed that you were helping to make the reset words more effective."

Nina bowed her head and T'Challa spoke again, "Do you really think you're going to be able to fix him?"

"He's already come along way. I know he may not see it that way. But the way his brain is interpreting my words versus Hydra's words, I can see that my words are beginning to have a greater impact on him." Hesitation made her pause, "But lots of this is going to be Bucky, he needs to accept the fact that he may always be affected by these words. When he's feeling weak, the words will have greater impact, if Hydra were to get a hold of him again, they could easily start where they left off." Nina sighed.

T'Challa placed a hand on her shoulder, "Do not let it burden you. You're doing all you can. I will tell the Captain of the improvements."

With that Nina was left alone in the spare lab. When she walked out into the hall and she saw her lab being fully inspected she assumed her work day was complete. She had never had an afternoon off since coming to Wakanda, she had already been there a few months, the time had flown by for her. As she left her lab the weight of the conversation she had just had hit her. It had felt like much more than 20 minutes. Nina knew that the info would come out eventually, but even the abridged version of her story had felt like too much. Too much information about herself in someone else's hands, it scared her. She never wanted someone to have information about her to use as blackmail against her; memories of her parents came from the dark recesses of her mind and she had to fight to push them back where they belonged. She pressed the heel of her hands into her eyes, pulling herself back together. There was an afternoon off in her future and she was determined to enjoy it.

Nina walked into the kitchen and was surprised to see Bucky standing at the stove cooking something. She sat down at the table and watched him idly, she had been thinking of making herself something to eat anyways. She could tell he knew she was there by the way there was tension in his shoulders and back which hadn't been there when she first walked in. He had adapted to having one arm well, he was flipping pancakes with excellent precision.

They continued on like that in silence, neither acknowledging each other until Bucky was done cooking and put a plate of pancakes in front of her. "Oh, thank you." She smiled at him.

Bucky shrugged and was about to walk away with his food, when Nina told him to sit down, "Why don't you eat here with me?"

He sighed and sat down at the table with his food and looked at her pointedly before he started eating. Nina smiled in response and ate the pancakes he had cooked.

"You're a good cook," Nina grinned as she finished off her first syrup soaked pancake.

Bucky raised a brow at her, "Can you even taste the pancake with all that syrup?"

"Yes, thank you very much," She said with just a little bit of sass. Nina was please to see the corners of his mouth pull up, in the few months she had spent with the soldier she had yet to see him smile.

They ate the rest their meal in silence, Nina finished her pancakes before him and washed up her dishes, she hung around waiting for him to finish. "Want to do something besides work?" She asked him. She watched him struggle with attempting to wash his dishes one-handed, Nina lightly pushed him away from the sink and started to wash up for him. "Think of it as payment for me doing your dishes." She smiled.

"Wouldn't you doing my dishes be payment for me making you food?" Bucky quipped.

"Hmm, valid." Nina glanced at him, He was leaning against the counter, his one hand playing with the hem of his shirt, he was uncomfortable. "We could just watch a movie." she suggested.

They ended up on opposite ends of the couch looking for a suitable movie. They decided on Jurassic Park, Nina was a big fan of the movie and the novel and Bucky had never seen it.

It felt a little strange to be seated on the couch with the former Winter Soldier, Nina knew she needed to stop thinking of him as the Soldier, but it was hard when she had known him as that for the last 5 years. She couldn't help but imagine her parents seeing her watching Jurassic Park with the Winter Soldier, the thought made her laugh a little. It was an inappropriate scene to be laughing at she realized too late. Bucky gave her a very odd look, the T-Rex had just ripped a person in half.

"Sorry, I was lost in my own thoughts for a minute." Nina muttered, her face burning.

The movie continued with no more awkward laughing while a dinosaur was eating someone and finally the credits started to play. Nina noticed the Bucky was absentmindedly tugging at his empty left shirt sleeve.

"Are you going to get a replacement made?" She asked.

Bucky immediately dropped his hand, "I don't mind not having an arm, it's not having a hand I miss." He stared at the TV screen, "But Steve said the only person who would be able to make me a new arm comparable to my last one is Tony Stark," pausing he frowned, "And I was responsible for his parent's death, so he hates me."

Nina nodded, Steve had mentioned something like to her when she had been living at the Avenger base. He and Tony had managed to salvage their relationship, but Tony Stark still harbored feelings against Bucky.

"Well maybe instead of disappearing every afternoon you could start figuring out what you want you arm to be and I might be able to put you in contact with a friend in Germany who is quite smart when it comes to those kinds of things." Nina shrugged, the look Bucky sent her way was one of disbelief.

"You know someone who could replace my arm?" He asked.

"I'm pretty sure he could do it for you." Nina said confidently.

"Would he have to know it's for me," He paused, "I'm sure he wouldn't make me anything if he knew who I was."

Nina scoffed, "I think he would jump at the idea of Bucky Barnes modelling his designs." She laughed.

Bucky shook his head, "I'm the Winter Soldier, not some decorated War Hero."

"You _were_ the Winter Soldier, now you're a War Hero trying to get his life back." Nina gave him a smile, "Anyone would be proud to work with you."

"Are you?" He asked solemnly.

"Yes," She said with no hesitation, "It is a privilege to work with you." Nina continued to smile at him. "Come on," She got up off the couch and extended a hand to him, "It's time for bed, I missed a whole afternoon of work, so we'll have a lot of catching up to do tomorrow."

Bucky took her hand and allowed her to actually attempt to pull him to his feet, she couldn't budge him.

"Jesus, can you at least put in a little effort.' Nina huffed.

Her efforts were rewarded by seeing a small smile on Bucky's face as they went their separate ways to their bedrooms.

"Goodnight," She called.

"'Night," Bucky replied.

 **A/N: Thank you to everyone you** **favourited, followed and especially to those of you who reviewed! I went back to Chapter 1 and edited it, nothing major got changed, I just noticed a couple typos and grammar mistakes. Hope you enjoyed Chapter 2!**


	3. Chapter 3

T'Challa was standing beside Bucky, idling chatting and waiting for Nina to arrive, that day happened to be the first day she had ever been late.

"Do you have any idea what could be keeping her?" T'Challa asked with a touch of concern.

Bucky shook his head, he'd never known the young woman in question to be late to work. He looked at the clock, it was 10:00 am, he was worried. Bucky stiffened abruptly, he was worried about her. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this kind of concern for someone, it wasn't the same kind of concern he had felt for Steve, Steve could look after himself; but Nina couldn't do that. She was very intelligent, but she wasn't trained to fight. He had very few people in his life at the moment and he didn't want to lose someone he liked, the last few months he had grown used to her company, he enjoyed her company. It had seemed so normal the other night to share a couch with her and watch a movie, he wanted to watch the second Jurassic Park movie with her.

Just as Bucky had decided he was going to go look for her, Nina burst through the door looking very disheveled.

"Sorry I'm late." Nina said as she took her laptop out of her bag. "I over-slept."

Bucky wondered what had made her oversleep, he looked her over carefully, observing the dark circles under her eyes; she hadn't been sleeping well. He wondered if nightmares were the root of her oversleeping, he knew he didn't sleep much because of his own dreams.

"It's okay," T'Challa then got ready for his speech. "I needed to talk to you two about the device found in your work lab the other day. We've been unable to figure out exactly how long it had been there. So we need to figure out where it came from." He looked directly at Nina. Bucky could see her squirm, "I know you had nothing to do with it, but you know Hydra, and I know you might have an idea as to who could be trying to get intel on the Winter Soldier."

Bucky tried to hide his surprise at the news that Nina had previously been involved with Hydra. He listened to her explanation carefully, trying to detect the lies he didn't want to hear.

"I have a hunch." Nina placed her hands to her temple as though her head hurt, Bucky felt the unfamiliar feeling of concern strike him again. "His name is Alois Schulz. He wants to get the Winter Soldier project up and running again for Hydra. He tried getting me to join him, but I refused." She looked from T'Challa to himself, "I'm never going to Hydra." She said carefully as she kept her gaze on him.

Bucky couldn't help the nerves that arose at the news that Nina had been offered a place with Hydra and no one had bothered to tell him, actually he hadn't gotten any type of briefing on Nina Kohl when he had been told who was going to be working with him. He assumed she was trustworthy since Steve, Natasha and now T'Challa had vouched for her. Bucky thought that he trusted her, she had never given him reason not to and she had had numerous opportunities to take advantage of him in his reset state of mind. But fear lanced through him nonetheless, he would never escape Hydra.

"Bucky, Bucky are you alright?" He knew she was calling to him, but he was lost in his thoughts. A gentle touch to his right arm brought him back to the present moment. "It's okay, we won't let Hydra near you." Nina gave him a smile, "I'll protect you," she joked lightly.

He couldn't help the dry laugh that escaped him at the thought of the petite blonde standing next to him protecting him. Bucky shook his head, "Sorry, I was off in my thoughts." Then he gave Nina a direct look, "Don't make me laugh with the thought of you protecting me." He felt his lips curl a little.

"That's my goal," Nina grinned broadly.

T'Challa left after saying he'd pass the info about Alois Schulz to the Captain. Work continued on as normal, Nina was insisting on more testing of the use of certain words on his brain. Bucky sat through the tests and afterwards he sat across from Nina at the island counter with a notebook, he wasn't quite ready to leave her yet.

"What've you got there?" Nina asked peering over.

"It's for my new arm." Bucky looked at her quickly, doubt written across his face, "If you are still able to get in contact with your friend that is."

"Of course! I'll email him right now." Nina was smiling at him, she smiled a lot and Bucky liked that about her.

He stuck around the lab the rest of the day, engaging in Nina's conversation and working on designs for his new arm and hand. He decided she was not sleeping properly, she had used more white out that day then he had seen her use in a week. When Nina finally packed up for the day he helped her put away all her supplies and then followed her to the kitchen, "Can we watch the second Jurassic Park movie?" He asked.

"Sure, I will get the movie ready if you get some snacks." Grinning she turned from him to get the TV ready.

Another night of movie watching commenced. It became a regular thing for them, Bucky still got up ridiculously early, mostly because he couldn't sleep, to go to the gym but he spent most of his time after work with Nina. A couple weeks passed as they fell into a strange routine together, Nina was making it her mission to catch Bucky up on all the best movies he hadn't seen yet.

The two of them were sitting on the couch sharing a throw blanket watching a movie called Psycho. The movie must have been almost over because they had been watching it for over an hour when Bucky felt an unfamiliar weight on his shoulder. He stiffened and looked over to see Nina had fallen asleep and was using his arm as a pillow, he willed himself to relax and accept the contact. He had noticed that her sleeping habits were becoming very poor, he noticed more and more how tired she was, it worried him, he wanted to know what was making her lose sleep; he really cared for her.

Bucky never took for granted the friendship he had found in Nina, she was accepting and never asked him uncomfortable questions about his past and she didn't give him funny looks when loud noises made him flinch. He felt a fondness for her that he couldn't place, it was different from how he remembered feeling about girls in the past, before he had been the Winter Soldier. Bucky could remember being confident and liking the attention girls had given him, now he wasn't sure how to act, did he 'like' Nina or did he just see her as a friend, he honestly wasn't sure. Small noises of distress and some tossing at his side interrupted his deep pondering, he looked at Nina curiously, she definitely wasn't sleeping soundly. Her normally bright and happy face was twisted in an uncharacteristic frown, her blonde hair was mussed and her freckled skin was pale and had taken on a sickly appearance. Bucky was debating whether to wake her or not when she jerked awake on her own accord.

"Oh god, I'm sorry." She pushed herself up into a sitting position blinking sleep blearily away.

"Are you okay?" Bucky asked, she hadn't seemed very okay.

"I'm fine, it was just a bad dream." A forced smile followed her lie, he knew she was lying because her smile didn't reach her eyes, usually when she smiled her hazel eyes lit up, but not this time. "It's late, I'm going to go to bed." She excused herself.

Bucky also went to bed after that, hoping for a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Nina was woken up by screaming, she jumped out of bed and ran to the hall, it was coming from Bucky's room. She stood in front of his door, hesitating on opening the door; until she heard the sound of cracking wood. Nina took it upon herself to go check on him, peeking into his dark bedroom she could make out his figure shaking on the bed, there was a hole in the headboard.

She called out to him, "Bucky?" There was no response so she crept into his room and hovered over his bed. She knew waking him would probably be a bad idea, but she couldn't leave him in that state. Nina reached out a shaky hand to touch him, before her hand made contact his eyes flew open.

"Nina."

"Yes, it's me. I heard you having a bad dream so I came in to check on you." She felt comfortable enough now to touch his shoulder. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, stay, please." Bucky's voice was hoarse.

She stood at his bedside for a couple minutes before she sat on the edge of his bed, "Is this okay?" She asked him, she didn't want to push him, they had only really become friendly the last few weeks.

He just nodded and shuffled over to give her more room. Nina made herself more comfortable, she assumed his moving over was to give her more space. She propped a pillow against the headboard doing her best to avoid the hole Bucky's fist had created. He was just staring at the ceiling, his breathing still rapid and his skin sticky with sweat. Nina would bet that Bucky hadn't had much human contact in that past 70 years, she had no idea how he would react to her attempting to comfort him, the worst thing he would do was tell her to stop. She tentatively brought her hand up to his face to brush the hair out his eyes, she continued to gently comb his hair with her fingers; her mother had used to do the same for her when she was upset. Nina didn't know it was possible for his body to become more tense than it already had been, but it was. She started to hum a lullaby she remembered from childhood, the words didn't come to her right away, but after a few times she started to piece together the lyrics. It was in German and she found that she was a little rusty after not speaking the language for a few months.

She didn't stop until Bucky had relaxed his body and his breathing had slowed to a normal rate. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, continuing to run her fingers through his hair.

He shook his head.

"I have nightmares too," Nina kept talking, "I know I said earlier when I fell asleep during the movie that I was fine, but I wasn't. I dreamed of my parents dying." Bucky continued to stare straight ahead but she could see his brow furrow. "Hydra killed them both. First my father, right in front of me, then my mother. Actually they died because of me."

Bucky looked at her this time, concern etched on his face. Nina felt a pang of something inside of her, his concern was so touching, especially considering what he had lived through.

"How involved with Hydra were you?" He asked.

Nina sighed, "Quite." She didn't look him in the eyes now when she spoke, instead watching her own hand movements through his hair. "You're not going to like this story." She whispered. He continued to watch her so she started to speak again, "My parents worked for Hydra, and I followed in their footsteps hoping they would help me take my research further. They certainly did take my research further than I ever thought possible. I was researching the effects language has on a person's brain, on their mental functioning." She saw Bucky frown in the dim lighting. "I did a lot of what I thought was hypothetical research for them, what I didn't know was that all the scans and statistics they provided me with were from an actual subject. They were carrying out my research on a subject without my knowledge. I am a curious person so I wondered where the information was coming from, of course no one told me, but that didn't stop me from snooping. That was how I first discovered the Winter Soldier. My mother got very upset with me, telling me it was none of my business and I should do as I was told." Nina sniffed, "I didn't listen to her. I went looking for the Winter Soldier, I needed to see him for my own eyes. I have a bad habit of having impeccable timing." She glanced at him, a little worried about how all of this new information was going to affect him, "And I saw the Winter Soldier coming in from a mission and being reset. I saw them use the words and submerge him in water with the electricity surging through his body. I saw the cruel and horrible treatment of the Soldier. I saw my research, which was never supposed to be put to test in that way become a sort of psychological torture. I was disgusted with myself, how could I have ever put my trust in a corporation that I had known was evil." Nina could feel the tears forming and the words getting stuck in her throat. "I told my mother what I had discovered and that night I attempted to kill myself." Nina was whispering so quietly she wasn't sure he heard her until she felt a hand gripping hers tightly. "She stopped me and told me to not be so selfish. She told me that I was gifted with a brilliant mind and I needed to use it accordingly, ending my life wouldn't help anyone. After that I was determined to help the Winter Soldier, you." She was still whispering and tears were escaping her eyes at an alarming rate. She had never admitted the entire story to anyone. "I threw some false information around which helped to not make the reset as effective and I claimed I had hit a bump in my research. Hydra bought it for a while and when they started to get suspicious I knew if I wanted to do anything I had better do it quick. With enough observation I managed to get into the room they kept you, however from there I was useless. I didn't know how to wake you, I tried every word combination I had seen in relation to you and nothing worked, by this point Hydra had realized something was up, I got found pretty quickly and got punished for my behavior." She stopped talking, suddenly not wanting to share anymore.

"What did they do to you?" Bucky pushed.

"They killed my father." Nina said shortly, "After that my mother could never look at me the same again. She blamed me for his death. Hydra didn't let me leave the facility I worked at anymore, however the amount of actual work they got out of me was almost nothing. They used my mother against me to keep me from attempting escape." Nina was acutely aware of the pain in her chest, saying the words she had fought so long to keep locked away was very painful.

It was Bucky's turn to try and comfort her now, he pulled her down so she was lying beside him and curled his right arm around her, rubbing her back in what he hope was a soothing manner.

Through the tears Nina managed to finish her story, "When you didn't come back from your last mission and Hydra collapsed, that is when I was finally able to get out. I was still in the building when I saw my mother, she was dead, they shot her." Nina buried her face in Bucky's shirt, no longer caring about boundaries, she knew he was probably very uncomfortable "I'm sorry." She hiccuped, beginning to remove herself.

Bucky tightened his arm around her, "No, it's fine." Nina settled back down beside him, "I remember everything. Steve doesn't think I do, but I do. I can remember everything before I was the Winter Soldier and everything I did as the Winter Soldier and everything after. I hate it."

"You weren't yourself as the Winter Soldier though," Nina argued.

"It doesn't matter, I still did it. I can still remember doing it and that makes me sick. I have nightmares of killing people, I can remember all the blood on my hands. It would have been better if I didn't remember anything."

"But then you wouldn't have remembered Steve or your past." Nina saw Bucky squeeze his eyes shut, "You wouldn't have all the good memories."

"I could have made new good memories," He said looking at her.

Nina was glad it was dark in the room because her face was burning at his words. "But the memories are who you are. Whether they are good or bad, your memories make you the person you are right now."

Bucky sighed, "I suppose you're right, but I still wish I didn't remember being the Winter Soldier."

Nina secured her arms around Bucky's chest, "Can I stay here tonight?" She had no idea what he would say to her question, but the thought of going back to her empty bed made her chest hurt.

"Yeah." He said simply.

Smiling Nina snuggled a little closer, she liked the feel of Bucky's warm body beside hers. She hoped they'd both be able to sleep a little more soundly the rest of the night.


	4. Chapter 4

"Wow, talk about tight security." Aaron Mitchell exclaimed as he was lead out of the elevator to be greeted by Nina.

She laughed, "Well we are pretty important here."

"Nina!" He enveloped her in a hug. "It's been so long!"

Still laughing Nina accepted his arm staying slung around her shoulders as she walked him down the hall towards the kitchen. "You must be hungry, I know they don't feed you on those flights."

"No they really don't, and the food they do give you tastes funny." When they entered the kitchen Aaron saw Bucky sitting at the kitchen table, "I see why you left Germany." He whispered in her ear, they were far enough away that Bucky probably couldn't hear them.

Nina felt herself blushing, "I came for work, Aaron."

"Sure, but why are you staying?" He laughed and went to seat himself at the table, "So I'm assuming you're the one in need of an arm," Aaron gestured to Bucky's missing left arm.

Bucky nodded and then turned to see Nina was going to turn the stove on, he grimaced. "I can make something to eat." He jumped up and practically shoved her away.

"Hey, I can make something!" Nina protested.

"Not if we want to eat something that isn't burnt." Bucky raised his eyebrows at her.

Nina sighed, "Fine." She plonked herself down at the table across from Aaron, who was smirking at her.

She and Aaron chatted while Bucky cooked. Nina was all smiles and tended to skirt around the topic of her parents and her work she was doing; which suited Aaron fine as he was talking her ear off about the prosthetics industry he was in. Eventually Bucky put two plates of eggs, hashbrowns and bacon on the table.

"Aren't you eating?" Nina asked.

"No, I ate already. I'll see you in the lab." He turned to Aaron, "It was good to meet you and I look forward to working with you." Nina saw what was an attempted smile on Bucky's face but as he left she saw his face fall into a soft frown.

After eating and washing up the dishes Nina showed Aaron where the lab was. All of his materials were in the lab directly opposite of Nina and Bucky's. Him and Bucky spent the better part of the day in there together going over plans and taking measurements. Nina found the day rather lonely, she had gotten used to Bucky sticking around and asking her questions throughout the day and he hadn't stopped in once.

When she was ready to leave she peeked into Aaron's lab and saw him working on some blueprint paper. "Where's Bucky?"

"Oh he left a few hours ago already." Aaron said without looking up.

"Alright, well I'm going to go find him. Do you know where your room is and stuff?" Nina asked.

"Yeah," He replied.

"Okay, see you in the morning." Nina walked to the elevator, she wondered why Bucky hadn't come back to their lab. Maybe he had only been hanging around to work on his arm and now that Aaron was here he didn't feel the need to stay. She frowned, she felt as though they were friends now, they spent time together outside of work and that night she had stayed with him had felt different. She couldn't place exactly how he made her feel, but she knew she had felt safe lying in his bed with him. She wondered if he was having second thoughts about her after she had come clean about her past; was he going to hold that against her?

Nina couldn't find Bucky in the kitchen or the living room and he wasn't in the gym either. She debated whether or not to go to his bedroom and see if he was in there, but she decided against it. She didn't know what was bothering him, but she really hoped he'd come around soon.

* * *

Bucky had left Nina and her friend, Aaron in the kitchen. As he made his way down to the labs he couldn't stop his mind from wondering if they had dated before, they seemed very comfortable around each other. He couldn't get the image of Nina walking into the kitchen with a huge smile on her face and Aaron's arm around her shoulders, or of Aaron leaning in close to whisper something in her ear that made her blush. Was he jealous, he knew Nina must have friends and lovers, she must be desired by men, she was very pretty.

After he had given Aaron some insight into what he was looking for in his new limb they talked for a bit before he left. He went straight to his room to think about these weird feelings that had come out when Aaron started to ask him how long he knew Nina and started to tell him that he had known Nina for many years and they were good friends.

Bucky felt very confused by his feelings, he wasn't sure if he was jealous or not of the easy relationship Nina had with Aaron. It didn't help that he still couldn't pin point the feelings that had been fluttering around in his chest when Nina had fallen asleep in his bed. Or when she had told him all about her past with Hydra, he had felt sad that she hadn't told him sooner, disappointed that she had been involved with them at all but relieved that she was safe with him now. Nina was making him feel emotionally stunted, he just couldn't deal with all of the raw emotions swirling around inside of him. Bucky didn't even know which emotions out weighed the others, he knew he was angry about Nina working on him specifically but he knew that anger was directed towards Hydra and not at her. There was also something that made his throat tighten whenever he saw her, something that made him upset when he had seen Nina so happy with Aaron.

He spent a lot of time in his thoughts the next couple of days, Bucky couldn't help the sour expression that fell on his face when he saw Nina and Aaron share a moment, it didn't take him long to realize he had 'feelings' for her. He knew he wanted to touch her; to hold her hand, to brush stray hairs out of her face, the urge to put his hand on her back had almost overcome him earlier that day. Bucky almost lost his mind when he thought about kissing her, he knew he needed to get over himself though, even if Nina was the slightest bit interested in him as more than a friend she deserved someone better than him, someone who didn't have as much blood on his hands as he did. He may not be a suitable partner for her, but he could be a good friend to her.

It had been about a week since Aaron had gotten to Wakanda to make Bucky a new limb that Bucky found himself cornered by Nina.

"No more running away from me." She said as she sat down beside him on the couch.

He watched her reproachfully, wondering why seemed annoyed at him.

"You've been avoiding me." Nina glared at him.

Bucky was surprised at her open hostility, she was genuinely upset with him, "I'm sorry." He had no idea what else to say, he supposed while he had been having an emotional meltdown he had been avoiding her unintentionally.

Her expression softened, "You're very hard to stay mad at." She huffed, "But you have to start spending time with me again." Nina pouted, "You're not allowed to become my friend and then decide you don't like me anymore."

Bucky suddenly felt at loss for words, "I didn't mean," He struggled to say the right thing, "I mean I don't not like you."

"You don't like Aaron?" She asked quietly.

Now he felt a little uncomfortable, it wasn't that he didn't like Aaron, Bucky got along just fine with him when Nina wasn't around. "No, he's fine."

"Then what is it?" She pressed.

He couldn't look at her, he felt so embarrassed. "I just," He looked down at his hand twisting the fabric of his shirt, he felt like a child. He sighed loudly, maybe it would be better to just get it all out, "I want to be your friend." He glanced at her and she smiled. "But, I just," He struggled again, "Seeing you with him made me realize how much I don't know about you. I can't really put into words what it is that bothers me, but something bothers me about you and him."

Bucky looked at Nina out of the corner of his eyes, she was smiling at him, "I understand, Bucky." She placed her hand over his fidgeting one, "I wasn't being very considerate of your feelings and I'm sorry about that. But don't avoid me." She shook her finger at him.

He rolled his eyes, "I'm sorry." He apologized again.

"It's okay," Then she hesitated, "It didn't have anything to do with my past with Hydra did it?"

Bucky glanced at her, "I really can't hold that against you, I was used by them against my will too." He paused for a second, "I was really confused at first, I was upset, but I realize I'm upset with Hydra."

Nina smiled, "I'm glad for that." She got comfortable on the couch, "Now, tell me about your new arm, I hear you and Aaron will be able to attach the prototype next week."

Bucky couldn't keep the excitement out of his voice when he told her about the arm. It was still going to be made of metal, since he was going to start going on missions with Steve in the near future and he liked the added security a metal arm provided.

It felt really good to be talking normally to her again, he hadn't realized how much he had missed her the last couple days. They had been talking for a couple hours when he noticed Nina was yawning, "You should go to sleep." He said to her.

She shook her head, "I'll just have bad dreams, I'd rather stay awake."

"Is that why you've been wearing makeup since Aaron got here, to cover the shadows?" He asked. He had noticed an increase in the amount of products she had been using on her skin, mostly because it covered her freckles so he could barely see them and he didn't like that.

Nina sighed, "Yes, I don't want him to know, then he'd ask what the nightmares are about and I'd have to lie to him. He doesn't need to know about any of that." She hesitated, "When I stayed with you that one night, did you sleep better?" Bucky nodded, he had slept surprisingly well when she had stayed with him that night. "Is it a weird if I ask you to sleep with me tonight?" He watched the color rise in her cheeks as she realized what she had said, "I mean just sleep, God it was a weird question, never mind, forget I said it." Nina made to get up and leave, but Bucky stopped her.

"It's not a weird question, I can stay with you. I understand how frightening it can be when you wake up from a nightmare alone." He said, if she needed him to stay with her all night, he would do it.

It wasn't as awkward as they had been expecting, both of them were exhausted from not sleeping regularly so when they did lie down they were asleep within minutes. Bucky had been right, waking up after a nightmare with someone beside him made going back to sleep much easier, when he woke up in the middle of the night with a gasp some sleep murmured words from Nina calmed him down quickly and he was back asleep within an hour.

Bucky was a little confused by their relationship as he found himself frequenting Nina's bed more often than his own after that. He could remember before becoming the Winter Soldier, men didn't share beds with women they weren't serious about. He understood these were special circumstances and that the world had changed, everything was more casual now. Nina had assured him it wasn't weird for her, even though he still asked her every night if she wanted him there, he was never going to assume he was allowed to join her uninvited. Bucky was happy with his and Nina's progress, they both slept much more soundly with the other in bed and he let go of any jealousy he had felt about Nina and Aaron's relationship. He knew he would be even happier once he had his left arm and hand again. He hadn't thought it would be possible for him to ever consider being marginally happy again in life, yet there he was, happy.

* * *

Nina hummed happily as she made her way to the lab, she had some good news for Bucky that morning.

"You'll be able to help with Steve's missions after your arm is on." She smiled.

But his reaction was not what she was expecting, "Are you sure?" He asked with a frown.

"Yes, I can snap you out of a reset in less than 10 minutes now. Bucky, this is not something that will ever go away completely, we're always going to be in a battle with what they did to you." She frowned deeply, "What I did to you," Guilt washed over her.

"You didn't know." Bucky said, his voice was full of understanding, and Nina thought about how frustrating it was that he could forgive her but not himself.

She shook herself, now was not a time to wallow in her own self pity. Nina looked at him imploringly and got back to the subject at hand, "Don't worry, you won't have to work through this alone, Steve will be with you and Natasha, I know you trust both of them."

"What about you?" He asked, "Aren't you coming with me?"

"Well, Steve never mentioned anything, so I'm assuming I'm not." Nina looked away. "If I'm not invited or hired to come, I can't come." She said softly.

"Do you want to come?" He asked.

"Of course! As long as you want me around, I want to be here." She smiled.

"I can't imagine doing any of this without you, besides you know too much, that guy, Schulz, he won't leave you alone, it will be safer for you to come with. I'll talk to Steve," growling he asked when Steve was coming. "There is no way you're staying here. Especially since Schulz has already approached you about your work."

"Steve will be here tomorrow, then your arm is getting attached the next day and Aaron will go through some motion exercises with you and then you're pretty much cleared for duty." Nina smiled sadly, she knew he wouldn't take the news of her possibly not coming with well. Though she couldn't help the small jump her heart made when he had said he wouldn't leave without her.

"What if there are other types of reset words?" Bucky asked her.

"Then we'll have to take it in stride. Steve will be able to restrain you if need be and I have full confidence that we'll be able to bring you around." Nina tried to sound positive, but the truth was there was no telling what would happen when Bucky went back into the field. She really hoped she would be able to be there and help him through though.

* * *

Steve got to Wakanda late so Bucky didn't have time to talk to him about Nina before they were in Aaron's lab and his prosthetic arm was going to be put on. It was tricky because all the nerves had to be attached properly to make sure everything was firing the way it was supposed to.

It was quite a long process, but Nina sat beside Bucky the whole time. When Aaron finally gave him the go ahead to move his arm, she was delighted to see the limb move and his fingers curl and uncurl. Aaron started to lead Bucky through some motion exercises to make sure he had full range of mobility. Finally Bucky was free to go and test his arm out in real life.

Nina was so excited on his behalf she grabbed his new metal hand and was practically dragging him out of the lab. Aaron, T'Challa and Steve, who had also been watching the process, watched them leave with amusement.

"I want to talk to you later," Bucky managed to tell Steve as Nina bounced him out the door.

Steve just laughed and when the two had left, "Is she always like that?"

Aaron smirked, "Yes, but especially with him."

T'Challa laughed with Aaron and Steve looked confused.

"You'll catch on once you've spent some time with the two of them."

* * *

Bucky spent the rest of the day testing out his new limb. It was fantastic, he would go as far to say it was better than the last one. Nina was borderline annoying with her enthusiasm but everything she did was done with the biggest smile, so he let her annoyingness slide. At the end of the day they were squashed on one side of the couch and Bucky was reflexively moving his hand instead of watching the movie.

"We're going to have to rewatch this movie, aren't we?" Nina laughed.

He smiled at her, "Probably, I have no idea what's going on."

She smacked him playfully, then grabbed his new hand and pulled it around her shoulders, "Look, now you can properly cuddle with me when we watch movies." She laughed.

Bucky felt his face heat up when Nina leaned into his side, yes they often shared a bed, but this was different, they were on the couch, where anyone could walk in and see them 'cuddling'. He was definitely not going to deter her, but he did feel a little uncomfortable; especially when Steve came in and sat down on the other end of the couch smirking at him.

The movie ended and Nina got up from the couch, "I'm going to shower, see you guys later." Then she threw a meaningful look at him and he knew he was expected to go to her room to sleep later that night. He had noticed her having particularly bad nightmares recently and he wanted to ask her about them.

"So, you two seem friendly." Steve grinned at him.

Bucky rolled his eyes, "Well she's been my only company for the past few months so yeah, we're friendly."

"You know what I mean," Steve said nudging him.

"We're just friends, Steve." Bucky smiled.

"Okay, okay, I'll buy that for now. What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Is Nina coming with us, to New York I mean?" Bucky's forehead creased with worry, what if Steve said she couldn't come.

Steve sighed, "I figured you'd be asking me that. As long as she wants to come with, she can come. Did you really think I wouldn't invite the only person who knows your brain inside and out to not come with us. Besides, it's too dangerous for her to stay here." Steve turned to make sure no one was listening before continuing, "Her hunch was spot on about Alois Schulz, that guy is bad news and he's looking for you."

Bucky felt his smile slide off his face, "Is she in danger."

"Let's just say she needs to be protected, and where would be better for her than in the Avenger's Facility." Steve said.

"Does Stark know I'm coming?" Bucky asked quietly.

"Yes, though he doesn't agree with you being there. Now that he and Pepper are back together she's really been able to talk him about this, and Banner is back and he sympathizes with you, the whole not being able to control your own actions thing hits close to home for him." Steve saw Bucky's distress and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry Buck, lots of people in New York have got your back."

Bucky nodded, "When are we leaving?"

"As soon as you get the all clear on your arm. Nina already told me she thinks you're ready to be in the field again." Steve grinned.

Bucky tensed, "She told you?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't she? She said she is able to bring you out of a reset in less than 10 minutes. Besides Bucky, how many Hydra agents will even know those kinds of things, Zemo had go through so many hoops to get that intel, I doubt anyone we come across will be able to do any harm to you." Steve shrugged, "There's only one way to find out."

"That's exactly what she said." Bucky squeezed his eyes shut.

"Great minds think alike." Steve laughed.

* * *

Nina was sitting in her bed, her hair was still wet but she didn't care, she was waiting for Bucky to come so she could go to sleep, that last few nights had been particularly rough for her.

She heard a light knock and beckoned the knocker in, knowing it was Bucky. He was already dressed for sleep in a t-shirt and shorts, but when he got under the covers he didn't automatically make to go to sleep as they usually did. Instead he drew her close to him with his metal arm, "Are you going to tell me why you have been waking up every other hour for the past two nights?" He asked.

Nina frowned and accepted the comfort he offered her in the embrace, "It's not very pleasant." She whispered.

"My dreams aren't very pleasant either." Bucky said.

"I just can't stop seeing my parents die. I know I didn't witness my mother's death, but I see her being executed in the same fashion as my father." She felt Bucky's arm tighten around her, "It was horrible, I wish I could forget about them and move on, but I can forget about them, I can't stop seeing them die."

Bucky squeezed her gently, "Do you ever wonder if we just have to accept the terrible things we've been a part of and nothing will ever make it better?" He asked.

"That's morbid," Nina scrunched up her face, "But no, I think there is something out there that will make it better, there has to be." She twisted and leaned up onto her elbow so she could see his face, "No more dark thoughts, try to dream of something good." Nina smiled at him and then kissed his forehead before settling back down.


	5. Chapter 5

Nina was actually happy to be back at the Avenger's Facility, it helped that this time she knew exactly where she was, instead of being told vaguely she was in the New York area like last time. She was clutching Bucky's hand tightly, she wasn't sure if it was for her own excitement or for his comfort. Where she was excited, she could tell Bucky was very nervous, Nina knew he dreaded coming face to face with Tony Stark again.

His face was set in a frown and she squeezed his hand reassuringly, "It's going to be just fine." She said as they walked towards the common area, he paused before entering the room. Nina looked up at him, "Want to go see where my office used to be?" She asked. Maybe he wasn't quite ready to join the others, a walk might calm his nerves.

He just nodded in response. Nina chatted idly about her past time at the Avenger's Facility while Steve had been judging her "worthiness" to work with him.

Bucky snorted while she was explaining Steve's uncertainty, "He was worried about you, an ex Hydra agent working with me, an ex Hydra assassin." Bucky genuinely laughed.

"Maybe he thought I'd lead you astray with my Hydra ways." Nina laughed with him.

Bucky shook his head and looked around the tiny office space she had been given once upon a time. "It's not much, but I was so excited to be working again." Nina smiled, some of her things were still there, her calendar featuring different adorable puppies still hung beside the desk and her purple pen was still in the pen holder.

He sat down in her office chair and spun around a few times, "What do you think of that guy, Schultz?" He asked, his eyes were downcast so Nina wasn't sure where he was going with the question.

She frowned, "I think he'll wait until you're comfortable and then he'll try to capture you. He wants the Winter Soldier, he wants the weapon." Nina paused for a moment before she added, "And I don't think he'll give up." She saw Bucky's face fall, she felt a stab of guilt, he had probably been looking for reassurance that they would be safer in New York.

"This is a mistake, working with Steve; we should be hiding, not getting ready to go on missions for the Avengers." Bucky sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"Bucky, we don't need to hide, besides, he's after you, not me." Nina shrugged, but felt uncertain when he looked at her sharply.

"I know you're not stupid Nina." Was all he said before getting up from the chair and taking her arm, "Let's go see the others."

* * *

The conversation stuck with Nina, was Schultz really after her as well. She supposed that given the further research she had been able to carry out on Bucky she may be valuable instead of something that need to be disposed of simply because she knew too much. The thought of Schultz actively seeking her out made her shiver, and not in a good way.

She tried not to think about it, she wanted to firmly believe that here, surrounded by superheroes, she was safe.

Her work now was quite minimal, she continued to work with Bucky and further her research, but mostly she was around as damage control in case something set Bucky off during a mission. He was still in the process on brushing up on his combat training before being sent out. Nina wouldn't admit it to anyone, but she enjoyed going down to the training field just to watch him. He was in his element there and sparring looked so natural for him, it set her mind at ease to watch him excel.

Nina was doodling in the margin of a paper she was supposed to be reading while seated on a set of bleachers in the training room when someone sat down rather close beside her. She glanced over and saw Natasha peering over at her paper. "Hello," Nina smiled.

Natasha returned the smile, "Hi, what're you reading, or trying to read?"

"It's a paper from a peer of mine, we met in university and she recently got back in touch with me and asked me to edit some papers for her." Nina looked down at the paper with disdain, "Though I regret my generosity now."

Natasha turned to watch Bucky and Steve spar in one of the training rings, "Do you really think Barnes is ready to go back in the field?"

"Yes," Nina said with no hesitation. "I've taken him as far as I can, the only way we'll really be able to know if I've made a difference is when he's in the field around the triggers."

"You've definitely made a difference." Natasha raised her brows, "Compared to the Barnes I knew prior to you working with him, you've definitely impacted his life." Then she smirked, "In fact I think you've made yourself a little too important in his life."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Nina said frowning.

"It means I think you and Barnes have feelings for each other that are greater than friendship." Natasha continued to smirk at the girl's discomfort.

Nina's face had turned bright red and she was trying hard to think of words to defend herself. "I don't know if I would call them feelings on his part." She said.

"Oh I would." Natasha laughed, "And now that I know you reciprocate those feelings I am going to tease you mercilessly."

Nina buried her face in her hands, while she was trying to avoid Natasha poking fun at her by keeping her face hidden, Steve and Bucky had ended their session and had made their way towards them.

"Is something wrong with you?" Bucky poked her shoulder.

Her embarrassment level rose when she let out a shriek at his sudden appearance.

Natasha was clutching her side with laughter, "No, she's fine. I've just been subjecting her to my own personal form of torture."

"So you've been making fun of her?" Steve asked shaking his head, though a smile was on his face,

Bucky smirked, and Nina almost died, he could not find out what Natasha was teasing her about. She glanced from Natasha to Bucky, worried that Natasha would let something slip, the smirk on Bucky's face was a little worrying, but she couldn't help but think of how attractive he looked at that particular moment.

Still laughing Natasha just shook her head and mimed locking her lips and throwing an imaginary key away, "My lips are sealed."

Nina felt a weight lift off her shoulders, her secret feelings were safe at the moment.

Bucky and Steve had both shrugged and started walking towards the locker rooms, "Girls are still so weird." They heard Steve say to Bucky and both women burst into uncontrollable laughter. They walked together towards the kitchen that everyone shared, still giggling, "I haven't laughed this much in awhile." Nina admitted.

"It's good to forget about the world sometimes and let loose." Natasha smiled, "I learned that a long time ago. The world will always be shit unless you make it better." she shrugged and smile still playing on her face.

Nina grinned and agreed, hopefully it kept getting better.

* * *

Bucky walked towards the locker room with Steve, wondering what had made Nina so embarrassed, he knew Natasha was good at getting information so he wondered what she had learned about Nina that had made her face turn so red.

Steve was still talking to him and must have asked him a question because he was looking at him with a bit of exasperation.

"Sorry?" Bucky apologized, "I mind was wandering."

"Evidently," Steve rolled his eyes, then a smirk slide onto his face, "Thoughts of Nina by any chance?"

Bucky simply raise a brow and curled his lip, "Really?"

"Well," his friend exclaimed, "You have to admit it sooner or later, just go for it!"

Bucky sighed, "It's not as simple as just 'going for it' I can't give her what she wants, so why bother."

"Have you asked her what she wants?" Steve countered.

"What do you mean?"

"How do you know she doesn't want you too? What if you're both skirting around the issue because neither of you think the other wants you?" Steve shrugged and walked towards the showers.

Bucky thought about Steve's words while he showered and changed into clean clothes. He took his time lacing up his sneakers, he'd never thought that Nina may want him, maybe she didn't want what he thought she did. He'd never asked her, they had spoken at great lengths about their friendship, but he had never admitted his growing feelings for her.

He felt a little lost thinking of Nina feeling the same way about him. How could she seriously want him, a broken soldier. He was beyond repair; that much was clear. And there was no way he could ensure a future for her, he was a fugitive, had no means of income; there would be no future for him to offer her. She could definitely do better.

He was still thinking of Nina when he entered the common area and saw Sam chatting with Steve and Natasha. They all stopped their conversation and looked his way; Steve looked excited while the other two looked uncertain.

"Well, Buck, we've got our first mission." Steve grinned. That explained his excitement and the other's hesitation.

Bucky sighed loudly, "Brief me."

It was a simple in and out mission for information on Alois Schultz, the man was proving to be quite dangerous as rumors were spreading of his new installation of Hydra. Bucky was getting very concerned about Schultz the more he learned about him, and this increased his need to keep Nina away from Hydra. He had seen a real change in her since he had first met her in Wakanda. It was like before she had been repressed, not talking much and obsessed with her research. Now Nina was like the light in his life, without her Bucky wasn't sure he would have made it as far as he had. There was no way he was letting Schultz anywhere near her, Hydra was not going to get their hands on her again.

* * *

Nina was lounging in her bed, pajamas on, watching Netflix when she heard the a soft knock that she knew belonged to Bucky on her door. "Come in," She called. Bucky opened the door and headed straight for her bed, he climbed in and sighed loudly. Nina turned the TV off and gave him her full attention, "Something bothering you?"

He glanced at her and continued to stare up at the ceiling. "I'm not confident in this mission. I'm scared of letting everyone down."

Nina smiled, "You're going to be just fine. And if you aren't just fine, I'll help you when you get back."

Bucky turned to face her and pulled her close to him, "I haven't done anything good enough to deserve having you in my life."

"Oh stop it, you're deserve everything you have." Nina smiled into his shirt, since when did her stomach get tied in knots when he held her? She tried to shake away the feeling to no avail, as she settled in beside him the feeling didn't leave. Bucky was fiddling with the ends of her hair and she closed her eyes to fall asleep; but the feelings wouldn't stop tightening her stomach. Nina couldn't pinpoint when the feelings had started, but they had never been so bad as they were at that moment.

She stayed awake until Bucky's hand had stilled on the pillow beside her, she could hear the sound of his deep breathing, he was asleep. She turned onto her side to face him, she felt him stiffen at her movement but he relaxed again once she was still. Nina thought about their relationship as she watched him sleep, she was proud to say she was now one of the only people who could touch Bucky without him jerking away, she was also one of the only people able to talk him out of his self depreciation. Nina had been approached by Steve some time ago in regards to his helpless feelings regarding Bucky, he felt as though he wasn't making any positive changes in Bucky's life. She had been able to assure him that he was making a difference but it would take time for Bucky to heal.

It was something she had to remind Bucky of all the time, that there was no magic trick to fix him. He wanted to be a regular person and have a regular life, but she was sad to say she didn't think he would ever be regular.

She smiled sadly as she watched a smile ghost across his face, he was having a good dream, those were far and few between for him. Nina was glad she could offer him some security while he slept, and she was grateful that he offered her security while she slept.

* * *

Nina was waving eagerly while she watched Steve, Natasha, Sam and Bucky hop into a helicopter taking them away for their first mission as a team. She had noted Bucky looked apprehensive, but she gave him a big smile and kissed his cheek and told him good luck before shooing him away. She would be waiting for them to come back and praying for all of their safe return.

* * *

Bucky jumped out of the chopper and landed nimbly on his feet beside Natasha, who immediately turned to him smirking, "So sweet on Nina are we?" They were the last two out of helicopter, Steve and Sam already walking ahead of them discussing entrance tactics.

He turned to her with a scowl, "Not you too."

"Of course 'me too'" She laughed, "Come on Barnes, everyone can see it."

Bucky ignored her and continued walking towards Steve.

"Why don't you ask her out?" Natasha jogged to his side.

He glared at her.

"I'm sure she'd say yes. I mean you guys kind of skipped the 'dating' step and went straight to sleeping together, but I'm sure a little back tracking won't hurt."

If looks could kill Natasha would be dead on the ground 20 feet behind him already. He was trying to focus on the task at hand, which was to get into the supposed abandoned building and gather some intel that should be stored on the computer's hard drive in some guy's office, apparently he was part of some dealings linked back to Shultz.

"Come on Barnes, give it a shot." Natasha was still badgering him.

"Enough," He exclaimed throwing his hands up. "I can not just ask her out." Bucky turned to face Natasha, "I am not normal and I never will be. How could I force that upon her when she could lead a normal life without me. She could get married, have children, grow old with someone she loves. She shouldn't be with me. Nina and I can only be friends, and nothing more." He had invaded Natasha's personal space in hopes of intimidating her, but she stood her ground and crossed her arms with a smirk twisting on her face.

"You're really stupid." She said deadpanned, before walking away from him and then jogging to catch up with Steve and Sam.

Bucky was thrown off now, he felt frazzled. He shut his eyes for a minute, forgetting about Nina and the words Natasha had said and the feelings fluttering around in his chest when she had brought Nina up.

"Buck, you coming?" Steve called to him, breaking his reverie.

He snapped out of it and followed his friend into the building.

* * *

Nina was startled awake by someone getting into her bed. She sat up quickly in the pitch dark, "Bucky?"

"Yeah, hey, we just got back." He sounded exhausted.

Nina smiled as he all but cuddled into her side, he didn't usually seek physical comfort like that. "Did it go okay?"

"Yeah, everything went as planned. It wasn't abandoned, but it was empty while we were there, so we think it's a part time base. Natasha was able to get the intel and we got out quickly."

"That's good." Nina ran her fingers through his hair, he must have showered before coming here because it was wet.

He nodded, "I'm so tired." He yawned.

"Well it had to have been very stressful being back in the field, your nerves must be shot." Nina noted how relaxed he was, his defenses were completely down. "I'm glad you came here, I would have been up early worrying about you."

"I wouldn't have been able to sleep on my own." Bucky admitted.

Nina nodded, "Don't worry, you're safe here."

"I know."


End file.
